Sarah's Corner

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I died on the October 27th of 2006

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<<The Invitation to Life>>


When our hearts die and the world is awake
Would love inhabit in this darkness alone?
Kindness is where life begins.
Love is HE who trusts his destiny.

Today is tomorrow,
Tomorrow is now,
Think not what we are losing,
Just what the world has been missing

 
~Sarah Cheung




In the Christmas of 2004, I heard that I will die on the October 27th of 2006.

Today, the October 27th of 2006, I took an afternoon walk. It seemed everyone wanted to smile to me. Yet there was a strange distance between us. I felt like I was from a different century. Something was telling me to be extraordinarily beautiful today. Starting from three in the afternoon, I painted my face delicately with distinguish make-up. All of the sudden I wanted to wear red, and all of the sudden I wanted to wear velvet.

I felt a little more mature, yet intensely beautiful. I wore a little more than usual amount of accessories. I looked like the lover who walked in the palace every morning when the breeze was still gentle and the sun was still shy.

I asked my landlord to take me to the bank. On the way to the bank, I asked him to take me to where his wife works. He was a bit shocked but he took me there anyway. When I got there, everyone was staring at me, like I was over-dressed or something. However I was extremely calm which was unusual as I was usually shy.

After a short conversation with her, I said good-bye. But she looked a little sad, like this will be the last time we saw each other. It was at that moment, I realized I was gone.

After I got home, I felt something was shaking inside. I realized there was a war coming.

I had a light dinner. I also cooked everything carefully. I tried to enjoy every bit of this last dinner.

At midnight, I put on my velvet coat. I opened the door. I walked to the darkness. The air was unbearably chilly, yet something was telling me that the coolness was not going to bother me. Then I touched up my face a little bit.

The wind chime was hurrying me. But I was intimidated by the chilling wind. I wanted to stay in my warm room a bit longer. I started to feel very sad I knew in the same moment, there was a war on the other side of the world. It was a war to end my past life. It was also a war to fight for love.

As I was walking, I started to sing in a language I didn't know. It was a rhythm that I always sang when I felt very cold. It had a paralyzing effect on my nerve. As I was fighting with the ghost of the darkness, something was torn very deeply inside, it tore with every note of the melody.

The coolness in the air was hurting my skin like a sharp knife, and the wind was chilling my ears with its piercing tone. But it didn't stop me.

Something was hurrying me to walk to the mountain. Everything inside of me was cluttered. I was not sure if I wanted to go. It was too scary. Yet I also knew that I didn't have another option. I knew I was not alone. But things started to feel very, very cold. I felt like I was becoming a ghost. I was a ghost.

As I walked up to the mountain, I sensed the fear of my neighborhood. It made the freezing wind more haunting and the Halloween decoration more vivid. As my foots stepped into the forest, I turned back. I saw the town below me. I was asking myself: What am I doing? This is too dangerous. I must be insane. I could be killed.

However... within that massive fear, I heard that song again, a song that was anciently old, a love song, a song that I knew since I was in the womb. It warmed my heart. It was telling me something like death is where life begins. Trust your destiny.